An emptiness grows inside of my heart.
Growing and growing,
Tearing and eating my flesh away.
Blood drips from it’s hands,
Creating a void in my entire being.
I live, I exist,
No more, no more.
I love, I sleep,
Never again, nevermore.
Copyright © 2014 by
Atirah Jewel
This is my seventh attempt,
Of writing what has been written,
Seven-thousand times before,
Stealing the world’s ideas,
And corrupting her words,
Altering phrases, slightly turning meaning,
Until it seems to be my own,
This is my seventh attempt.
This is my eighth attempt,
Of writing the same words,
I’ve written eight-thousand times before,
Re-using the same theme,
Again and again, and yet once again,
Giving my works a sound that is repetitive and boring,
Pushing away hopes of growth.
This is my eighth attempt.
This is my ninth attempt,
Of becoming a murderer,
Attempted nine-thousand times before,
Oh but why can’t I just die,
And fade away with all my dreams,
Reiterative and plagiaristic,
And forget everything, but how to sleep?
This is my ninth attempt.
Copyright © 2014 by
Atirah Jewel
Silence forms in beads around my neck,
Tightening it’s grip until I’m just clinging on the edge of the cliff of life,
My fingers slipping,
A slow descent down,
I am falling, drifting,
Dear Lord who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name,
I beg you save my soul from damnation,
As my body be expelled to my grave,
Eternal rest laid in my arms,
The shallow grave I’m given,
Only an enemy be my company,
My murderer,
My demise,
My dearest friend,
Silence.
Copyright © 2013 by
Atirah Jewel
I hurt myself,
Just to hear the screams,
I kill myself,
Just to feel the pain,
Just to taste the blood as I drown myself in it,
Fallen to my knees in agony,
Withered up,
Dying,
All I can think to do it laugh,
Laugh, just so I can cry out more.
I’m obsessed with the idea of pain,
With the idea of death,
With darkness and decay,
The rot of flesh as it decomposes under the sun,
Unknown to any,
A woman,
Shriveled up and bleeding out until the minute of her demise,
A man,
Being the subject of torture as he begs for mercy,
Cold-blooded slaughter,
Unsuspecting victim,
It amuses me so,
Wishing I could be there with them,
Watching them wither and die,
Glimpse death as he takes their hand in his own icy grip,
Pray to be next.
Laughing forever so at these thoughts,
Fallen away to my own world,
Savouring each moment of my death,
Joining the victims of so many,
Pain was the last thing I felt.
Dreaming of happiness.
Copyright © 2013 by
Atirah Jewel
T’was such a beautiful day,
I thought unto myself,
So I decided to go for a walk,
To further appreciate the day,
For in this life I had so few,
On my walk,
I happened upon an old tree,
It’s branches had been stripped bare by the season,
Leaving it vulnerable and exposed.
The trunk had been defiled by two set of initials,
Carved deep into the bark,
The pain those imbeciles must’ve caused the tree,
My whole body quivered with anger,
I had to close my eyes to calm my nerves.
When I opened them,
I let their gaze fall elsewhere.
To the bottom of the tree,
To the roots.
The gnarled, knotted, twisted roots,
They protruded from the soil,
As is the dirt that once surrounded them had been torn away,
Leaving them to be exposed as well.
They almost looked like women,
Women who were left bare,
All piled atop one another,
They looked as if they were calling out in agony,
Desperately pleading for their lives,
Waiting for someone to help them.
If you truly listened,
You could hear their screams,
Riding on the howling wind.
How real it all seemed,
How loud they sounded in my mind,
I caught myself imagining they were real women.
Shaking the disturbing image from my mind,
I walked on.
I came across several more interesting trees,
Each having a story of its own to tell,
I saw several birds and streams,
Heard many calls of wild beasts,
But my mind kept wondering back to one place,
Those roots.
Those helpless women.
The image was disturbing, yes,
Yet I could not help but be intrigued,
My feet moved on their own,
And I sprinted back the the tree,
The fascination consumed me.
I looked on and thought,
“These women, if I cut them,
Would they bleed?
Would they cry out in pain,
Or beg for my help and mercy?”
I closed my eyes once more,
When I opened them I stumbled back in horror,
For a brief moment,
They ceased to be made of wood,
They were human, living and breathing,
Pained.
I resolved to come back later,
When everyone else was gone,
So we could be alone.
When later presented itself to me,
I gathered myself and went back,
An axe slumped over my shoulder,
A test for her,
To see if she would scream,
To see if she would fight,
To see if she would bleed.
Copyright © 2013 by
Atirah Jewel
Sweet child of mine,
You took my hand,
You took my flesh,
And now the sky refuses to smile at you.
Murderous.
You watch as the darkness falls,
The only light you will know,
But instead of tears,
You produce a smile.
Relentless.
The wounds you have caused,
Scars that will never heal,
You fly on your broken wings of withered dreams,
And sing good-bye to all the angels.
Odious.
Copyright © 2013 by
Atirah Jewel
If I should die on the ‘morrow,
I should do so with utter content,
I have lived my life fully,
I have known love,
As well as I have known heartbreak,
I have known longing,
And satisfaction,
I have felt happiness,
I have felt sorrow,
I have been taken by anger,
Admiration has made its way through my heart,
Contempt has drowned me,
I have succeeded,
As well as failed,
Opportunities have been grasped,
Some I have allowed to pass me by,
If I should fall to my death today,
I would do so with no regrets,
Yet with all the regrets I could possibly feel,
I would wrap myself in the cloak of Death,
I would fall into its embrace,
And embrace it back tightly,
Filled with nothing but love,
If I should die now,
I would do so with utter contentment,
Because I would know that this is all I was made for,
Let Death come for me,
So I may gladly take its hand,
As tears flow steadily down my face,
I would be eternally filled with happiness,
If I should die now,
I would have completed my cycle,
And finally felt a peace.
Copyright © 2013 by
Atirah Jewel
The love I once had,
It’s stuck in my memory,
Where it has been, where it will stay,
Nobody can rewind time,
As time withers, our love withers,
It withers,
And withers,
And withers,
It withers until there is no more,
Until all I have left is this memory,
You are not the same as you once were,
I have also changed,
How love can change,
It astounds me,
How we could’ve changed,
It amazes me,
When will we wither?
When will we be gone?
We should disappear,
Then we could return to who we were,
To how you were,
To how I was,
If we could disappear, we wouldn’t wither,
Our love wouldn’t wither,
And wither,
And wither,
Until we could love each other no more.
But nobody can rewind time,
Nobody can change backwards,
There is no hope for this love to be the same it once was,
Good-bye my love,
I have not the power to do anymore than say,
Good-bye,
Sayonara,
Au Revoir,
Farewell, my love,
You will rest in my heart forever,
But we can’t be in each others’ lives,
Good-bye,
Sayonara,
Au Revoir, My Love.
Copyright © 2012 by
Atirah Jewel
I can’t stop hating you,
Under the Sun, I kill myself,
I can’t quit.
Under the Sun, I die,
I want you to suffer,
Wither, Wither, Wither,
Please, Wither,
Under the Sun, I kill myself,
Covering the sky with blood,
Drowning the Sun
Kill yourself,
Drown the world.
Wither, Wither, Wither,
Fuck you, Wither,
The dark morning will come,
And then you will die,
For now, please wither.
Copyright © 2012 by
Atirah Jewel
Our tear-stained farewell,
Is burned in my mind,
Your eyes no longer shine for me,
Your heart no longer beats for me,
Away you helplessly withered,
Until there was nothing left,
I wasn’t even able to say good-bye,
Farewell,
And now,
The only memory that remains,
Is the sugary taste of you on my lips,
I look forward to the future,
And hope fate will allow our souls to meet again,
I’m sorry for it all,
All of your pain,
All the time you suffered,
I hope to see your eyes again one day,
And that bright smile you always wore so proudly,
One day I will see you again,
But for now,
Farewell.
Copyright © 2012 by
Atirah Jewel
Lil' Red Writing Hood 