soul

All posts tagged soul

Perhaps A Fantasy

Published June 10, 2014 by atirahjewel

This feels too controlled.
Completely in control,
While indefinitely knowing I am not.
But the feeling
Of this pen on this parchment,
Of the thoughts formed,
Of the music that plays,
All known to myself.
Words I will remember in the morning
As having written down
Before my thoughts
Strayed to more desperate things.

How can Time and Space
Be split,
Manipulated, so to speak,
So I may enjoy it as it had
Led me to believe I would?
Underneath that rotten façade of beauty
Comes the real face of being.
A man-made existence of time
Distributes itself under the spell of the Gods.
How can I feel the weight of control
In my hands
When it is a falsified existence
To dignify and comfort man?

To what degree must I suffer
Before recognising and realising,
The hideous truth
Of my own potential
To posses and bend time and space
And matter that makes up the Universe,
Multi-verse even, perhaps.
Soon my script will be unreadable
To even me,
It’s maker and creator.
For the hand betrays the mind,
And in turn, the pen betrays the hand.
In truth, meaning,
The hand, in all senses,
Betrays its own primal desire,
To disobey.

One moment,
Time is here,
Offering the same offer
It had offered once before.
In the remembrance, I plead.
Sentenced to the last of my sane days,
On my knees
Pleading with the man perceived time
To grant me any favour of power
To manipulate it so as to
Create for me,
A doorway
To travel desperately through
And live in a place completely
Before my time.
Where I had been born,
And killed,
And born from again
In the wrong sentence.

Now, after a quick glance at
Surroundings of unknown origins,
I forget
Every desire but one;
The one of Love.
A Love more pure
Then I’d ever dreamed before.
The only dream tears have been shed for,
And I have begged to live.
A version of me,
Before this version of me,
Living engulfed in music
And responsibility.
Drowning in instruments,
Blissfully dying under the sounds
Of voices, carrying me through the air
As if I was floating.

A hug, a kiss,
A bond of love shared
Between my soul and my soul.
Build a dream of Life in a manner
That I’ve never dreamed,
But instead envisioned.
Cut me in half,
Cut me into small pieces,
And I still won’t weep as much,
My heart still won’t bleed as much
As did when I was startled
By the cruel realisation
That my dream was nothing
Of a dream to be,
But instead, perhaps a fantasy.
One of ideal places and people,
Skills and thoughts and friendships and doubts
Ever doomed under the cloud
Of failure.

Death would be a mercy,
Welcomed and invited in,
As compared to the thought
Of living my life in a time
After my time.
A place I shouldn’t live in
In the manner I live in it;
Instead of in the way I am truly meant
To live and fatedly meant to die.
Pushed underwater and held by
Dreams of the beyond-world dimension
That await me so I can be
Further blessed with the Love I
Once soberly dreamt of,
And now highly plead for.
Into the Darkness, I’ll close my eyes,
And open my mind and heart to
The unforeseen, impossible possibilities of
This world and the next.

Copyright © 2014 by
Atirah Jewel

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The Tree

Published October 16, 2013 by atirahjewel

T’was such a beautiful day,
I thought unto myself,
So I decided to go for a walk,
To further appreciate the day,
For in this life I had so few,
On my walk,
I happened upon an old tree,
It’s branches had been stripped bare by the season,
Leaving it vulnerable and exposed.
The trunk had been defiled by two set of initials,
Carved deep into the bark,
The pain those imbeciles must’ve caused the tree,
My whole body quivered with anger,
I had to close my eyes to calm my nerves.
When I opened them,
I let their gaze fall elsewhere.
To the bottom of the tree,
To the roots.
The gnarled, knotted, twisted roots,
They protruded from the soil,
As is the dirt that once surrounded them had been torn away,
Leaving them to be exposed as well.
They almost looked like women,
Women who were left bare,
All piled atop one another,
They looked as if they were calling out in agony,
Desperately pleading for their lives,
Waiting for someone to help them.
If you truly listened,
You could hear their screams,
Riding on the howling wind.
How real it all seemed,
How loud they sounded in my mind,
I caught myself imagining they were real women.
Shaking the disturbing image from my mind,
I walked on.
I came across several more interesting trees,
Each having a story of its own to tell,
I saw several birds and streams,
Heard many calls of wild beasts,
But my mind kept wondering back to one place,
Those roots.
Those helpless women.
The image was disturbing, yes,
Yet I could not help but be intrigued,
My feet moved on their own,
And I sprinted back the the tree,
The fascination consumed me.
I looked on and thought,
“These women, if I cut them,
Would they bleed?
Would they cry out in pain,
Or beg for my help and mercy?”
I closed my eyes once more,
When I opened them I stumbled back in horror,
For a brief moment,
They ceased to be made of wood,
They were human, living and breathing,
Pained.
I resolved to come back later,
When everyone else was gone,
So we could be alone.
When later presented itself to me,
I gathered myself and went back,
An axe slumped over my shoulder,
A test for her,
To see if she would scream,
To see if she would fight,
To see if she would bleed.

Copyright © 2013 by
Atirah Jewel

Kande tne Tíu

Published May 2, 2012 by atirahjewel

Our tear-stained farewell,

Is burned in my mind,

Your eyes no longer shine for me,

Your heart no longer beats for me,

Away you helplessly withered,

Until there was nothing left,

I wasn’t even able to say good-bye,

Farewell,

And now,

The only memory that remains,

Is the sugary taste of you on my lips,

I look forward to the future,

And hope fate will allow our souls to meet again,

I’m sorry for it all,

All of your pain,

All the time you suffered,

I hope to see your eyes again one day,

And that bright smile you always wore so proudly,

One day I will see you again,

But for now,

Farewell.

Copyright © 2012 by

Atirah Jewel

Temptation

Published April 27, 2012 by atirahjewel

Her ample breasts heaving,

Up and down as she breathes,

He can’t help but wonder what it would be like,

To touch them,

Her plump red lips looking so soft,

He can’t help but wonder what it would be like,

To kiss them,

Even the way she stands has him dripping with lust,

Her smooth legs peeking out of her knee-length skirt,

Going on for what seems like eternity until ending in pretty, glossy heels,

Having him wonder how they would feel against his skin,

How she would feel underneath him,

Wondering how sweaty they could become,

And how hard he would have to work,

Wondering how she would taste on his wanting tongue,

He is so tempted to discover all of the answers,

She is beautiful, slender, and apparently in full blossom,

Like a rose,

But also like a rose, she has thorns,

She is untouchable to him,

Because he has someone else,

Someone who already belongs to him,

But still he is tempted,

Giving into the temptation, he stands,

She looks at him as he does,

He looks back and, with a kind smile, approaches her,

Wondering.

Copyright © 2012 by

Atirah Jewel

Catching the Darkness

Published December 12, 2011 by atirahjewel

The darkness,

It rests peacefully,

When it is stirred,

It tries to break free,

I catch it before it gets loose,

But now,

I stare deep into my victims eyes,

Her cold dead eyes,

Pleading me as if they don’t know the deed is already done,

Her icy skin digging into me,

Mortified I am,

I can feel my darkness,

Eating at my soul,

Satisfied with what it has done,

I didn’t catch it in time,

It all happened so fast,

In one burst of anger,

I allowed my darkness to come out,

I can usually catch it in time,

But not this time,

I was too slow,

It broke free of the chains that surround it,

As my punishment,

I stare at the cold lifeless body,

That lies mocking me,

I want to be alone now,

And sit in quietness as my darkness consumes me,

From the inside out,

Devouring my soul,

Why now, why me,

In this season of spring,

There is no sun, no life,

My insides getting munched into nothing,

I was once hypnotized by those eyes,

But with my darkness unleashed,

Those eyes can’t save her now,

No more light for me,

A single tear seemed to slide down her cheek,

Her last tear,

Love me,

That is impossible now,

I now abandon hope,

She is dead,

I now will spend the rest of my life,

Alone,

Catching the darkness before it can play its dirty game,

Ever again,

Those cold eyes,

Still hypnotizing,

Even in death,

I leave her now,

Her body to decay into the ground,

Sorrow made her,

Now she will rest.

Copyright © 2011 by

Atirah Jewel