darkness

All posts tagged darkness

And So It Ends

Published December 31, 2015 by atirahjewel

After all this time,

I’m still lamenting the absence of wings on my back.

I’m still tortured by the truth of being where I am now,

Not being where I was

Or where I’d like to be.

Though time is moving and jumping forward,

I’m still struggling with my inability to turn it backwards.

And yet, I know I can’t.

I’d dream a dream so beautiful that after all these years,

I couldn’t help but cling to it.

And now I know,

And now I’m finally realising,

I have got to give it up.

And so it ends,

And so it’s over.

This is me saying goodbye to my tragic fantasy,

And saying thank you to all of the wonder it filled me with.

I’m gone and so is she.

And I’m sorry, my love,

But she’s gone and she has to be.

My heart is breaking off into shards,

I’m drowning in this ocean of tears,

My hands are shaking in pain and fear,

I’m dying within myself,

I want to hold on,

I want to wake up to my darling dream,

But now I know,

And I now declare,

No matter how much hope and wish and try

To bring this bliss back,

It’s already dissolved into me.

And so it ends,

And so we end.

I’m sorry, my sweet love,

I’m sorry, my holy dear,

But she’s gone.

She’s gone now.

And so it ends.

The End.

Copyright © 2015
by Atirah Jewel

Perhaps A Fantasy

Published June 10, 2014 by atirahjewel

This feels too controlled.
Completely in control,
While indefinitely knowing I am not.
But the feeling
Of this pen on this parchment,
Of the thoughts formed,
Of the music that plays,
All known to myself.
Words I will remember in the morning
As having written down
Before my thoughts
Strayed to more desperate things.

How can Time and Space
Be split,
Manipulated, so to speak,
So I may enjoy it as it had
Led me to believe I would?
Underneath that rotten façade of beauty
Comes the real face of being.
A man-made existence of time
Distributes itself under the spell of the Gods.
How can I feel the weight of control
In my hands
When it is a falsified existence
To dignify and comfort man?

To what degree must I suffer
Before recognising and realising,
The hideous truth
Of my own potential
To posses and bend time and space
And matter that makes up the Universe,
Multi-verse even, perhaps.
Soon my script will be unreadable
To even me,
It’s maker and creator.
For the hand betrays the mind,
And in turn, the pen betrays the hand.
In truth, meaning,
The hand, in all senses,
Betrays its own primal desire,
To disobey.

One moment,
Time is here,
Offering the same offer
It had offered once before.
In the remembrance, I plead.
Sentenced to the last of my sane days,
On my knees
Pleading with the man perceived time
To grant me any favour of power
To manipulate it so as to
Create for me,
A doorway
To travel desperately through
And live in a place completely
Before my time.
Where I had been born,
And killed,
And born from again
In the wrong sentence.

Now, after a quick glance at
Surroundings of unknown origins,
I forget
Every desire but one;
The one of Love.
A Love more pure
Then I’d ever dreamed before.
The only dream tears have been shed for,
And I have begged to live.
A version of me,
Before this version of me,
Living engulfed in music
And responsibility.
Drowning in instruments,
Blissfully dying under the sounds
Of voices, carrying me through the air
As if I was floating.

A hug, a kiss,
A bond of love shared
Between my soul and my soul.
Build a dream of Life in a manner
That I’ve never dreamed,
But instead envisioned.
Cut me in half,
Cut me into small pieces,
And I still won’t weep as much,
My heart still won’t bleed as much
As did when I was startled
By the cruel realisation
That my dream was nothing
Of a dream to be,
But instead, perhaps a fantasy.
One of ideal places and people,
Skills and thoughts and friendships and doubts
Ever doomed under the cloud
Of failure.

Death would be a mercy,
Welcomed and invited in,
As compared to the thought
Of living my life in a time
After my time.
A place I shouldn’t live in
In the manner I live in it;
Instead of in the way I am truly meant
To live and fatedly meant to die.
Pushed underwater and held by
Dreams of the beyond-world dimension
That await me so I can be
Further blessed with the Love I
Once soberly dreamt of,
And now highly plead for.
Into the Darkness, I’ll close my eyes,
And open my mind and heart to
The unforeseen, impossible possibilities of
This world and the next.

Copyright © 2014 by
Atirah Jewel

Ténèbres

Published June 17, 2013 by atirahjewel

In even your lightest hour,

Darkness consumes you,

In your brightest moment,

Shadows rule,

Even the purest of your dreams,

Are tainted with the unholy thing that is me.

When the blood clouds your eyes,

Let it fall down your body like the silk down the bed,

Let it consume you like the predator does the prey.

Is this a dream?

Am I dreaming of a world that doesn’t exist,

Where you and I could possibly be?

If so, then wake me up,

I would hate for you to be trapped in such an ugly nightmare.

Copyright © 2013 by

Atirah Jewel

Catching the Darkness

Published December 12, 2011 by atirahjewel

The darkness,

It rests peacefully,

When it is stirred,

It tries to break free,

I catch it before it gets loose,

But now,

I stare deep into my victims eyes,

Her cold dead eyes,

Pleading me as if they don’t know the deed is already done,

Her icy skin digging into me,

Mortified I am,

I can feel my darkness,

Eating at my soul,

Satisfied with what it has done,

I didn’t catch it in time,

It all happened so fast,

In one burst of anger,

I allowed my darkness to come out,

I can usually catch it in time,

But not this time,

I was too slow,

It broke free of the chains that surround it,

As my punishment,

I stare at the cold lifeless body,

That lies mocking me,

I want to be alone now,

And sit in quietness as my darkness consumes me,

From the inside out,

Devouring my soul,

Why now, why me,

In this season of spring,

There is no sun, no life,

My insides getting munched into nothing,

I was once hypnotized by those eyes,

But with my darkness unleashed,

Those eyes can’t save her now,

No more light for me,

A single tear seemed to slide down her cheek,

Her last tear,

Love me,

That is impossible now,

I now abandon hope,

She is dead,

I now will spend the rest of my life,

Alone,

Catching the darkness before it can play its dirty game,

Ever again,

Those cold eyes,

Still hypnotizing,

Even in death,

I leave her now,

Her body to decay into the ground,

Sorrow made her,

Now she will rest.

Copyright © 2011 by

Atirah Jewel